Tyler Alshwind/DMR log entries

Some of the members of Heretic Dinofox, concerned about DMR's mental state, suggested that he keep blogs about his mental thoughts and feelings. Though he initially was reluctant to write these up, after the events of Havin IV, he made the choice to start creating them. However, he has not shared them with the rest of the team, sort of defeating the initial reason behind them.

Journal 1
Peace, is what most people dream of. However, only the dead know what peace is. For everyone else, being alive is like Hell. I've seen people I've gotten to know very well be torn in half, burned alive, just die in the worst ways possible. This team, Heretic Dinofox, is just the latest group of people I've gotten to know. We have had some close calls, and the Chat and their allies have thrown a lot at us. On the outside, I will not buckle, I will not break, I will continue to be striaght faced and strong. On the inside, my years of combat are eating away at me, my sanity is all but gone. I don't know how much longer I can keep my mask intact. But, I do know that Chat will fall... even if it means falling as well. End log

Journal 2
I'm still recovering from my wounds with the last fight we had with the Legion, those bastards almost killed me and destroyed my F-35. The fleet took heavy losses but we damaged a lot of their star ships. Now, Fox has convinced B.H to work with us. Is he for real?!? His team has tried to kill me, and the rest of the team, on more then one occasion. And that hutt guy... I swear I'm going to rip his head right off his body. I hate the Chat with a burning passion, but it's going to be a hard pill to swallow if now I have to work with the Legion. I would not be suprised if B.H and his minions did not turn on us and try to kill us once and for all. I'll keep my eyes on them and my sidearm close by. Shit... it looks like Fox and the rest of them need me for something. End Log

Journal 3
I shot Fox. I shot Fox. I shot my commanding officer Fox McCloud. General Scars grabbed him and I had to put a bullet in Fox so I could kill the general. Fox survived but I was horrified with my decision. We have won the battle for now but the Chat and SharpYar will be back in force to kill us and take those relics. Our fleets took heavy losses and our ground troops are exhausted. I snapped today, I don’t even remembered what happened but one of my SEALs said I just starting shooting every enemy in sight, sometimes with imaginary bullets because I refused to reload my weapon. Though I feel mentally unprepared for combat, I know my team needs me. I wish those voices would stop telling me I’m a failure. They [the voices] asked me what is more important, the mission or my family? I still don’t know that answer. End Log

Journal 4
The Chat have found our fortress amongst the stars. They amassed a fleet of over 500 warships, and proceeded to attack our moon base, where we kept our prisoners, and the defense fleet. Though we took out over 100 of their ships, they wiped out the Resistance fleet and raided the prison. Commander Heathcliff took Forerunner and Vidmas7er aboard his ship, The Hecate for same keeping. Fox was stationed at Gamma, getting ready for the next assault wave of the Chat. Commander Heathcliff took Jess, Stars, the rest of the SEALS, and me onto his personal ship and we left the planet. After I raised my gun at him, and ordered him to take us back, did he give us a pelican to go back and help Fox. He’s going to set up a ring of nukes and when we all get of Yoth, he’s going to blow them all up. My mask came off today, though it was briefly. I demanded to go back and get Fox before we left. If it wasn’t for Jess, Heathcliff and I probably would have killed eachother. I’m going to end that here, sensors picked up enemy transports coming into Yoth. Time to make one final stand. I hope we get out of here in one piece. Hehe, "we", when did I stop caring only about myself? End Log

Journal 5
A lot has happened over the past two weeks. I escaped Yoth by the skin of my teeth with the rest of Dinofox and Heathcliff aboard The Hecate. Once we had lost the Chat, we then got thrown onto the planet of Gaeto to help get rid of the Chat presence. However, thick fog and piss poor intel led to the operation almost being a bust. Worse, I was nearly killed when I tried to save fucking Jess. The Admin Karl blew me open with a shotgun and then after he almost killed Jess, he left a spike grenade for us. I don’t know what came over me but for some reason, I jumped onto Jess to protect her from the blast. Though its taken some time to heal, I’m ready to go back into the fray. Heathcliff as a lead on Miku, and I’m not going to pass that up. End Log

Jounral 6
This is a mental log, since I've been taken prisoner by Commander Heathcliff. Asshole doesn't want me jumping ship, he says he "needs me for his plans". All I know is I'm going to murder him the first chance I get, and I am certainly not going to help in his plans. He's probably going to get me to try and kill Miku, she can wait, first, I need to kill him first. I know Miku has caused a lot of my anger and pain, but they will be another chance to kill her. I still need to break out of here, but I think Heathcliff underestimates me, and that will be his downfall. I will not stop until I'm dead, even if it means having to go rouge myself. I just hope if the rest of Heretic Dinofox shows up, he doesn't fool them. He got me, but now it's my turn to fuck him up. End Log

Jounral 7
We have just left Catoonie after our battle with Heathcliff. He escaped, that coward, and left the system after his forces where getting their asses kicked. Knightmare also got away but destroyed Miku before Heathcliff could get her. Even if Miku is Heathcliff’s sister, I’m starting to wonder if there is even a “Miku”. Hell, after working with Karl, I don’t even know what side or who I’m really fighting. For so many years, I had this anger against the Chat, and now I just fill empty. Jess has told me no matter what I do, I can’t bring my parents back, nor fill the whole in my heart. If that’s the truth, then what am I really fighting for? End Log